Recently I was invited to a party hosted by… a friend of a friend of a friend. (Got that?) Which is fine… Great even! I like meeting new people, and especially while on the road I crave human contact. Plus I was going with my friend who I hadn’t seen in a few months. So, on paper it was a win/win!
The party was indeed fun (I guess). What I didn’t realize was that everyone in attendance would be a medical student. This became a weird dynamic only because I was so clearly the odd person out. Everyone of course all knew each other so there was a bit of confusion as to who I knew/why I was there… However – the good news for these med students is that I had developed a weird rash on my fingers & arms that I had truly just gotten checked out at urgent care the day before. So I took this opportunity to get 2nd, 3rd, 4th, & 5th opinions on said rash… Did I mention that I’m such a fun party guest!!
What I also didn’t realize is that I was not clear my expectations about this party. I’ve been reading a book about boundaries by the amazing Nedra Glover Tawwab (her IG is fire, as is her book) & realized I should’ve been & should be upfront about my expectations:
Ideal party expectations are listed below (not an exhaustive list, there are many more…):
- I’d like to be babysat the entire time. It is your job to be by my side the complete duration of the party. You may leave to go to the bathroom, but even then maybe you could take me with you?
- Exception: If I’ve found people I’m 100% comfortable talking to, you may leave me for a little bit. Even if this is the case though, I’d probably still enjoy your company – so feel free to stay.
- 10pm is my expiration. I won’t turn into a pumpkin, but I will probably get tired & irritable. This expiration time is also why I don’t love carpooling to events. I would like the option to leave entirely on my own schedule. (This is also why I like biking to things &/or having access to public transit.) This time is negotiable, but please check in with me every 15 minutes after 10pm to ensure I am indeed okay.
- Assume there is no detail that I do not want to know before committing to said event. Covid has normalized this in terms of letting people know WHO will all be there, but please continue well after the pandemic is no longer a concern. Continue to tell me not only everyone on the guest list but also where they’ve been before this & how seriously they take global pandemics. In addition: tell me the group dynamic – if there’s any drama or are there situations that are of interest. What kind of “vibes” are there? What’s the food/drink/dress code situation? Will we be leaving our shoes on or taking them off?
- Side note: at said med student party it was a take your shoes OFF kind of apartment party, which I was not expecting. I was wearing the 1 pair of closed toes shoes I have with me in the van that aren’t sneakers & these stupid little socks that go with them. (Think: flats but sportier? I was going to link them, but it looks like vivobarefoot discontinued them. Sad day!!). So, I had to take off both my shoes AND socks because there’s no way I’m walking around in those silly “no show” socks!! Anyway. Just tell me everything is the moral of this whole bullet point.
Despite all the complaining (see: will complain about anything) I truly did have a good time & met some fun & interesting people.
And with that I will leave you with this tweet/quote for all my fellow introverts:
“Just once I’d like to see an article like ‘Extroverted? Here’s Some Tips on How to Be Quiet and Reflective.'”
^bc for real, why are introverts always the ones who need to change?! We’re 50% of the population, dang it!! Just follow my/our very simple party instructions 🙂 TY.